Out of the Gate

Saturday, May 1, 2010

My life coach at the time had encouraged me to celebrate the completion of the manuscript of my memoir, The Stage Is On Fire. I had been working on the manuscript for well over three years in supportive writing classes, with patient editors, in a coffee shop surrounded by fellow writers who by their very existence proved that even in the tough writing world people still get books published. I was scared to share the work, but celebration needed to happen, and my friend Wendy graciously opened her doors for the festivities.

The first Saturday in May

I was born and raised in Louisville, Kentucky. The Kentucky Derby makes the first Saturday in May, and the month prior, truly special. It made sense that the manuscript launch would happen that day. We decided to call it “Out of the Gate” in honor of the race. Kentucky fare would be served, and people would come in their Derby best. My mom came in from Louisville to help get everything together. We cooked for three days — burgoo, cheese grits, benedictine, pimento cheese, and Derby pie. Of course, we also attempted mint juleps with Maker’s Mark bourbon. The traditional food gave my friends a taste of Kentucky.

Out of The Gate

The party started and friends began to arrive. Most of the people who attended had been involved in my writing process: as friends who heard the tales of my writing travails, as willing readers of drafts, and as members of writing groups that I was blessed to have been part of. About 20 or so people from across my world arrived and mingled. It was humbling and inspiring and scary to see them come together to celebrate the manuscript. I had no idea until they began to arrive how moving the whole experience would be. I felt completely vulnerable in a way I have never felt. It was the first time, since my dissertation defense and probably not even then, I would be sharing myself in such a real and personal way.

The Stage is on Fire

At about 5:30 pm, I read two very short excerpts. My fear lead to shakiness and brevity. I looked out over the group and got tears in my eyes as I explained how much the event and their support throughout the process meant to me. I was nervous and read too fast, but it felt good in a weight-lifting-fear-shattering-kind of way to share my work aloud, especially with people who knew and cared about me. If I was going to share it here, I could summons the courage to send it out into the world.

After I finished, I asked my friend Wendy to tell the story of the clock that graced her mantle that afternoon. She told us about her Kentucky-born grandmother who had placed a Derby bet on a long shot in the 1936 race. Bold Venture won the race at 20:1 odds. Wendy’s grandmother used her substantial winnings (I think she said $40, which was a great deal of money in 1936) to buy the clock that was on Wendy’s mantle. My manuscript launch was connected to the story of Bold Venture, a long shot Derby winner.

Out of the Gate Today

Starting gates and bold ventures are in the zeitgeist today, too. Pandemic and financial crisis hang over our world. Creativity, compassion, connection, and love can lift us up. The projects we want to complete. The relationships we want to renew and strengthen. The rest we want to find. The joy we want to live. The sunshine we want to feel on our skin. That can happen right now. Find a starting gate. Look at long odds and do it anyway. Initiate a bold venture. We can be bold in our choices. Boldness as vulnerability. Boldness as stillness. Boldness as courage. That is what I carry with me out of the gate this Derby Day.